The Rookie Makes His Move

Congrats to Phil on an impressive showing in his inaugural week of MPLJL (explanation forthcoming) Football. While the rookie made a splash with his backfield (highest scoring quarterback and two of the three top scoring running backs) he must learn to spread the wealth to his wideouts. He was downright Dinsmorian in his receiver picks (but not to be outdone in his area of futility expertise James did even worse with his). Team WhyDidn'tBelhavenHaveaFootballTeamWhenIwasinSchool picked up SIXTY-NINE points (sorry I just had to put 69 in all caps) with his trio of DJ Shockley (28), Jerious Norwood (21), and Kenneth Darby (20). Unfortunately he got only six points from his pass catchers (yes James, that means you did worse than six points with yours) as Preseason All America Courtney Taylor continued piling up the stats (1 catch for 16 yards), Chad Jackson didn't put up video game numbers as Urban Meyer's office finally played a defense with enough speed to foul up his wussified misdirection based offense (53 yards), and Sean Bailey either forgot how to get to Sanford Stadium or he was too busy cramming for his Basic Rules of Football midterm exam (0 points). Phil followed in the footsteps of experienced JLM vets Larry and James by choosing Vandy's kicker (7 points)...and it would come back to well, uh kick him in the groin, so to speak (or type). The defense choices all cancelled each other out as both Auburn and Georgia recorded wins and allowed less than 10 points to their outmanned opponents. That led to a first week score of 91 points for Phil. Pretty impressive in his first outing.

James and Larry on the other hand. Well where to start here? First let's get right to this week's scoring controversy. Larry's "letter of the law" rule could come back into play here. As one of his running backs, Larry chose Brown of UGA. I'm not sure if there is some whitebread walk on from an affluent Atlanta suburb named Chas Brown somewhere on a Bulldog depth chart far, far away, but there is a Tyson Browning who is heavily involved in UGA's running back rotation. Browning produced 9 points and marks the difference between a third place or last place finish for James/Larry. With those nine points, Larry would total 77. He would have 68 if we give him a zero there. James ended up with 72 points. So that is now up for discussion amongst the league's Board of Directors. Here's a quick glance at their rosters:
Larry Backfield
Cox, Rafael Donatello Leonardo Michaelangelo Little and the aforementioned "Brown" go for either 37 or 28...solid but no one stood out.
James Backfield
Cock Mitchell and the Renaissance man Little combined for 26 points....or one less than the most inspired pick of the week, Auburn's fourth string RB Brad Lester, who romped to 91 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns rushing, and the Tigers' first kickoff return for a touchdown since 2000 (you get TD points but no yards for returns).
Larry Receivers
UGA tight end Martrez Milner put up 13, Eric Davis of the 3-0 and first place in the SEC East Vanderbilt Commodores tacked on 10 more, and Taylor was nice enough to give a point.
James Receivers
Well, well, well. Let's see whose Saturday James jinxed. C.J. Fayton...check, 0 points. Keon Humpries...check, 0 points. Marlon White...check, 3 points. Death, taxes, and James Dinsmore's terrible wide receivers...so predictable.
Kickers and teams were even with 7 from Hahnfedlt and 9 from AU/UGA.

Once again there is but one man standing at the end of another week of JKLMNOP Football...me. At first glance my roster doesn't jump out at you as spectacular: 14 from Cox, 11 from Carl Stewart, 20 from Darby. Receivers contributed a solid 30 - 5 from Chad Jackson, 15 from Marcus Monk, 10 from E. Davis. And we already know the team scores were even. So if you look at my team and Phil's, and you add up the scores for QB, RB, WR, and Defense we're all even. So basically it came down to the kicker. Phil chose to follow the leaders (well, technically they chose before him so I guess they were kind of leaders) and go with Vandy's Hahnfeldt, who delivered a FG and 4 PATs - 7 points. Meanwhile, I chose the road less travelled and went with UGA's real kicker (not to be confused with the guy who kicked for them in the 1930s...James' favorite Bulldog of all time, Andy Bailey) Brandon Coutu. My Mandon Brandon knocked home 5 PATs, drilled two field goals from beyond 40 yards and blasted in a 58 yard bomb for good measure. That's an 18 spot from the kicker position, which makes him my second leading scorer this week (he would have been Larry's high man). I might be mistaken but I believe that's my second consecutive week of 102 points and I've marked my territory in the winner's circle. Beware young Phil. I am prepared to defend my chosen ground to the death if necessary.

Good luck in week 4.