Thursday, November 30, 2006
Uh...think I would have just hung up the leotard
Yeah, no one likes to be discriminated against, but I'm pretty sure there are some battles you just don't fight.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Where have all the good BenJarvus' gone???
It all comes back to James Dinsmore and BenJarvus Green-Ellis. Didn't we all know it would end like this? Wasn't it written in the stars from the very beginning?
To recap (for Charlie) - James comes out of the blue by picking Indiana transfer BenJarvus Green-Ellis starting at RB for Ole Miss in the first week of JLM 2006. He turns in a 100+ yard performance and his JLM stock skyrockets. Subsequently, Larry picks him like 10 of the next 12 weeks. It becomes a running joke that BenJarvus is a permanent member of Team CrownRoyalorRandomBaggyo'Liquor...WhoCares. So the season plays out and of course we come to the last week with Larry and myself all tied up at the top (wait...that sounds kinda gay). Larry must have agonized over the decision...does he stick with his horse BenJarvus or does he poach top players that have already been picked by the other JLM GMs (please ignore the man behind the curtain and the fact that James had already picked BenJarvus thus rendering my entire argument impotent and without merit)?? Obviously, the Evil Doctor poaches LeMarcus Coker even though he's only had two good games all year and is returning from a monthlong convalescence from a badly sprained ankle instead of taking BenJarvus who is the league's second leading rusher and who also possesses a kick ass compound first name not to mention a somewhat less kickass hyphenated last name (again, for a second let's forget that Larry actually made a ballsier move by skipping over BJG-E and going with Cokehead...the point here is that Larry is the devil)!!!! Do we even need to go over the details of the scoring from last week?? Isn't it already obvious what happened?? Coker puts up monster numbers against ky jelly, netting 20 JLM points. BenJarvus tanks in the Broken Egg Bowl, mustering a measly 3 points. Larry wins the week by 12 over James. Thus, if Larry had picked BenJarvus and James had played with himself (and I'm pretty sure he did that day anyway) James would have won by 2 points and Larry and I would have finished in a tie for wins, sending the overall JLM Title to a tiebreaker of total points scored for the season. As of right now I'm too depressed to have even done the research to see who would have won that.
(PAUSE FOR THREE MINUTES WHILE I GET A CALCULATOR AND DO THE MATH)
Okay, now I'm really depressed. The overall season points stands like this: Larry 1231 Matt 1225 James substantially less than those two numbers (actually it's 1046). So if Larry had picked BenJarvus (I can't believe you turned your back on him like that) the total season scores would have looked like this: Matt 1225 Larry 1214 James still substantially less than the other two numbers, and I would have been crowned King of JLM for Life and given a gold scepter, a diamond tiara, and had my name thrown in the running for coach at Alabama. As it stands Dr. Evil (aka larry lowe) is the 2006 KING OF JLM.
Come on now and say it with me James: Larry, you are the best fantasy football coach in all the land...we stand in awe of your majesty and brilliance...we are but mere Shulas prostrating oursleves before your Tubervillian Splendor.
Anyway, here's how the numbers came out this week:
Team KingoftheWorld
Leak 27
Coker 20
McFadden 31
Burton 4
Meachem 17
Bowe 6
Shene 8
MSU -3 - Total 110
(also notice how I chose to ignore the fact that the two picks Larry made on his own both were high scores at their position)
Team PutAnother100KontheCamryin'07
Ainge 18
McFadden 31
GREEN-ELLIS!!!!! 3
Meachem 17
Bowe 6
Rice 10
Succop 7
Florida 6 - Total 98
Team SoreLoserorAmIJealousorDidILoseanArgument
Woodson 20
Coker 20
Boyd 16
Burton 4
Monk 8
Burks 2 (suddenly I turned into James)
David 7
UT 6 - Total 83
(also, please forget about how I focused soley on the actions of others and how they could have positively affected my life while ignoring my own poor decision making)
The overall 2006 standings look like this:
Larry 6 wins 5 seconds 2 thirds
Matt 5 wins 5 seconds 3 thirds
James 2 wins 3 seconds 8 thirds
Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Week 12: Larry 142 Matt 95 James 41
Week 13: Larry 110 James 98 Matt 83
Total points: Larry 1231 Matt 1225 James 1046
Looking at the numbers, Larry turned it on down the stretch, winning three of the last four weeks while averaging 110.75. I could only muster 1 win with an average score of 90.25 over the same time frame. So you see, even in JLM the latter part of the season means more than the beginning. Larry averaged 113.83 in his six wins. I scored 109.8 in my five wins. And James managed 97.5 in his two wins. The season averages for all weeks are Larry 94.7 Matt 94.2 James 80.5. Highest score was me in Week 2 with 151...lowest score was me in Week 1 with 36. Larry's largest score differences were a high of 142 and a low of 44. James' were 105 and 41. Biggest one week ass kicking was Larry over James in Week 12 by 101. Slimmest margin between 1st and last was the Week 11 barn burner where I won 92-91-91. Larry's average margin of victory was 19.3 (that's huge). Mine was 22.8 (even huger). James' was 4 (I didn't even need the calculator for that one). James, feel free to have your statistics class run some more numbers on these if you'd like.
Once again, congrats to Larry on the 2006 JLM Championship. It was another fun and well played season. And the good news is this league isn't costing me $75 like my other league. See ya next year with LMJ '07!
To recap (for Charlie) - James comes out of the blue by picking Indiana transfer BenJarvus Green-Ellis starting at RB for Ole Miss in the first week of JLM 2006. He turns in a 100+ yard performance and his JLM stock skyrockets. Subsequently, Larry picks him like 10 of the next 12 weeks. It becomes a running joke that BenJarvus is a permanent member of Team CrownRoyalorRandomBaggyo'Liquor...WhoCares. So the season plays out and of course we come to the last week with Larry and myself all tied up at the top (wait...that sounds kinda gay). Larry must have agonized over the decision...does he stick with his horse BenJarvus or does he poach top players that have already been picked by the other JLM GMs (please ignore the man behind the curtain and the fact that James had already picked BenJarvus thus rendering my entire argument impotent and without merit)?? Obviously, the Evil Doctor poaches LeMarcus Coker even though he's only had two good games all year and is returning from a monthlong convalescence from a badly sprained ankle instead of taking BenJarvus who is the league's second leading rusher and who also possesses a kick ass compound first name not to mention a somewhat less kickass hyphenated last name (again, for a second let's forget that Larry actually made a ballsier move by skipping over BJG-E and going with Cokehead...the point here is that Larry is the devil)!!!! Do we even need to go over the details of the scoring from last week?? Isn't it already obvious what happened?? Coker puts up monster numbers against ky jelly, netting 20 JLM points. BenJarvus tanks in the Broken Egg Bowl, mustering a measly 3 points. Larry wins the week by 12 over James. Thus, if Larry had picked BenJarvus and James had played with himself (and I'm pretty sure he did that day anyway) James would have won by 2 points and Larry and I would have finished in a tie for wins, sending the overall JLM Title to a tiebreaker of total points scored for the season. As of right now I'm too depressed to have even done the research to see who would have won that.
(PAUSE FOR THREE MINUTES WHILE I GET A CALCULATOR AND DO THE MATH)
Okay, now I'm really depressed. The overall season points stands like this: Larry 1231 Matt 1225 James substantially less than those two numbers (actually it's 1046). So if Larry had picked BenJarvus (I can't believe you turned your back on him like that) the total season scores would have looked like this: Matt 1225 Larry 1214 James still substantially less than the other two numbers, and I would have been crowned King of JLM for Life and given a gold scepter, a diamond tiara, and had my name thrown in the running for coach at Alabama. As it stands Dr. Evil (aka larry lowe) is the 2006 KING OF JLM.
Come on now and say it with me James: Larry, you are the best fantasy football coach in all the land...we stand in awe of your majesty and brilliance...we are but mere Shulas prostrating oursleves before your Tubervillian Splendor.
Anyway, here's how the numbers came out this week:
Team KingoftheWorld
Leak 27
Coker 20
McFadden 31
Burton 4
Meachem 17
Bowe 6
Shene 8
MSU -3 - Total 110
(also notice how I chose to ignore the fact that the two picks Larry made on his own both were high scores at their position)
Team PutAnother100KontheCamryin'07
Ainge 18
McFadden 31
GREEN-ELLIS!!!!! 3
Meachem 17
Bowe 6
Rice 10
Succop 7
Florida 6 - Total 98
Team SoreLoserorAmIJealousorDidILoseanArgument
Woodson 20
Coker 20
Boyd 16
Burton 4
Monk 8
Burks 2 (suddenly I turned into James)
David 7
UT 6 - Total 83
(also, please forget about how I focused soley on the actions of others and how they could have positively affected my life while ignoring my own poor decision making)
The overall 2006 standings look like this:
Larry 6 wins 5 seconds 2 thirds
Matt 5 wins 5 seconds 3 thirds
James 2 wins 3 seconds 8 thirds
Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Week 12: Larry 142 Matt 95 James 41
Week 13: Larry 110 James 98 Matt 83
Total points: Larry 1231 Matt 1225 James 1046
Looking at the numbers, Larry turned it on down the stretch, winning three of the last four weeks while averaging 110.75. I could only muster 1 win with an average score of 90.25 over the same time frame. So you see, even in JLM the latter part of the season means more than the beginning. Larry averaged 113.83 in his six wins. I scored 109.8 in my five wins. And James managed 97.5 in his two wins. The season averages for all weeks are Larry 94.7 Matt 94.2 James 80.5. Highest score was me in Week 2 with 151...lowest score was me in Week 1 with 36. Larry's largest score differences were a high of 142 and a low of 44. James' were 105 and 41. Biggest one week ass kicking was Larry over James in Week 12 by 101. Slimmest margin between 1st and last was the Week 11 barn burner where I won 92-91-91. Larry's average margin of victory was 19.3 (that's huge). Mine was 22.8 (even huger). James' was 4 (I didn't even need the calculator for that one). James, feel free to have your statistics class run some more numbers on these if you'd like.
Once again, congrats to Larry on the 2006 JLM Championship. It was another fun and well played season. And the good news is this league isn't costing me $75 like my other league. See ya next year with LMJ '07!
It's Official
We now have a new coach at Bama to beat up on and make fun of. Don't know who it is, but we know it ain't Sheila anymore. My guess is Rich Rodriguez, Paul Johnson, or Jim Leavitt. I don't think Petrino would leave Louisville for Tuscaloosa. If they get a bigger name than Rodriguez (who really doesn't scare me all that much) I'll be mildly shocked.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
JLM - Rivalry Week
Team Winningthisweekwillallowmetobuildconfindencefornextseason
QB: Ainge, UT
RB: McFadden, Arky
RB: Green-Ellis, Ole
WR: Meachem, UT
WR: Bowe, LSU
WR: Rice, USC
K: Succoup, USC
DEF: Florida
Ok, not that I'm making excuses (even though I am), I blame my poor performances on the fact that I seemed to always be last to submit my team. I couldn't help but look at the other rosters and try and pick other players so that Boner didn't accuse me of copying. I wish there was a way we could do a draft like we did back in the inaugural JLM season. Good times.
Hopefully we can get together at some point while we are in town. I haven't checked with my folks, but if people are available, maybe we could gather on Friday night at their house. Or maybe we should have a late night hole 'em tourney at Jeremy or Larry's. I'll touch base with everyone when we get in town, or while we are in transit. Either way, Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels.
QB: Ainge, UT
RB: McFadden, Arky
RB: Green-Ellis, Ole
WR: Meachem, UT
WR: Bowe, LSU
WR: Rice, USC
K: Succoup, USC
DEF: Florida
Ok, not that I'm making excuses (even though I am), I blame my poor performances on the fact that I seemed to always be last to submit my team. I couldn't help but look at the other rosters and try and pick other players so that Boner didn't accuse me of copying. I wish there was a way we could do a draft like we did back in the inaugural JLM season. Good times.
Hopefully we can get together at some point while we are in town. I haven't checked with my folks, but if people are available, maybe we could gather on Friday night at their house. Or maybe we should have a late night hole 'em tourney at Jeremy or Larry's. I'll touch base with everyone when we get in town, or while we are in transit. Either way, Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels.
Wow
One of the best web made video montages I've ever seen. I was looking for the Groves sacks because I still hadn't seen them when I came across this beauty. This almost brings tears to the eyes. Check out the one under autiger96 videos. TREEmendous!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Beatdown in Week 12
Wow. Larry decided the race for the championship of JLM 2006 was definitely not over. He came out with an abso-freakin-lutely dominating performance to grab victory in Week 12 by the short and curlies and not let go. This was definitely not a touch and go, down to the wire, nip and tuck type deal like the last few weeks. The final score was a humiliating 142-95-41. While Larry didn't quite set a record for most points this season, James certainly set a record of sorts...with his four, that's right FOUR, zeros. His impressive quartet of futility included both of his running backs and his first two wide receiver picks. His leading scorer was his kicker, and if Wilhoit hadn't had one of the better kicking games of the year James might have actually scored 25 points or less. As it was he had Wilhoit with 17, Leak with 11, Craig Davis with 7 and AU's defense with 6. He got the big 0 from Charles Scott, Mike Davis, Courtney Taylor, and Dallas Baker (Baker caught a pass but it was only for 6 yards). I put up solid numbers and would have contended for victory in a normal week, but with Larry acting the part of a rolling bowling ball of butcher knives I was doomed to second place. I had five guys in double digits led by Russell's 29, Little's 16, Meachem's 15, Doucet's 13, and Lester's 11. And now we come to Larry's Magnificent Seven (I say seven because his kicker only managed a measly 2 points...John Vaughn). First off, he brilliantly foresaw Kentucky's defense taking the week off and allowing Louisiana Monroe to hang 40 in an SEC stadium, thus forcing Andre Woodson to keep the pedal to the floor for four quarters. Woody definitely did not disappoint, dropping 38 on that a$$. Next up, he chose Andre the Giant's tag team partner, Keenan "The Beast" Burton, who caught all three of Woodson's touchdown passes. He was good for 29. At this point James was already in Larry's rearview mirror and I was mere roadkill on the highway to victory. Team WhiskyBag continued with the wide receiver dominance by adding Sydney Rice's 21 and Dwayne Bowe's 18. That's 68 points from wide receivers. That's more WR points in one week than James has had all year. Larry's RBs weren't quite as dominant, only scoring 22 points (or 22 more than James'). Of course, he capped it by picking Florida on the week they decided to play a little D, blanking Western Carolina and earning 12 points.
So, here we are, at Week 13. Larry and I are tied with 5 wins apiece, while James has 2. So what happpens now? Will Larry string together consecutive wins to end the season and steal a title? Will Matt return to his destined spot atop the mountain? Will James come out of hibernation long enough to play spoiler? Only time will tell. And with games spread out over the weekend it should be a fun one. Remember, no Auburn, Alabama, or Vandy this week. Three teams play rivalry games against ACC opponents (sadly, two will be underdogs). Six others will face off in conference rivalry games of their own. The only real sure win of the bunch is UT over UK. Or is it? The way KY Jelly's offense has been playing they might be able to hang half a hundred on the Vols. So, good luck to one and all JLM participants. May the fantasy football gods be with you on your picks. Except you Larry. You're mine! I WANT HOLYFIELD!
Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Week 12: Larry 142 Matt 95 James 41
So, here we are, at Week 13. Larry and I are tied with 5 wins apiece, while James has 2. So what happpens now? Will Larry string together consecutive wins to end the season and steal a title? Will Matt return to his destined spot atop the mountain? Will James come out of hibernation long enough to play spoiler? Only time will tell. And with games spread out over the weekend it should be a fun one. Remember, no Auburn, Alabama, or Vandy this week. Three teams play rivalry games against ACC opponents (sadly, two will be underdogs). Six others will face off in conference rivalry games of their own. The only real sure win of the bunch is UT over UK. Or is it? The way KY Jelly's offense has been playing they might be able to hang half a hundred on the Vols. So, good luck to one and all JLM participants. May the fantasy football gods be with you on your picks. Except you Larry. You're mine! I WANT HOLYFIELD!
Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Week 12: Larry 142 Matt 95 James 41
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Auburn vs Alabama
Well, after the first two drives, I don't feel confident. We looked good running the ball, but when we needed a 3 yard pass, not even close. Alabama moved the ball like they were playing a high school team. It's going to take a big play and some mistakes by them. At least they didn't get the TD, maybe that will take some steam out of the crowd.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Alabama Creed
Courtesy of WarDamnTailgate
The Alabama Creed
We believe that this is a delusional world and that we can talk only about what Bear did. Therefore, we believe in the past, the distant past.
We believe in education, and though we did not technically attend the University of Alabama, we know a guy that did.
We believe in honesty and truthfulness, because when the punishment for marijuana possession is ice cream, there is really no need to lie.
We believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid. Well, maybe a little afraid of the thumb.
We believe in obedience to law, except for the ones concerning money laundering, because they hinder recruiting.
We believe in the human touch, even if we have to pay for it at seedy Pensacola strip clubs.
We believe in our Country, because it is a land of freedom, and where else on Earth could a man wearing a gold chain earn two million dollars a year losing football games. And because Alabama men and women believe in these things, We believe in Alabama (football) and love it, when we are winning.
The Alabama Creed
We believe that this is a delusional world and that we can talk only about what Bear did. Therefore, we believe in the past, the distant past.
We believe in education, and though we did not technically attend the University of Alabama, we know a guy that did.
We believe in honesty and truthfulness, because when the punishment for marijuana possession is ice cream, there is really no need to lie.
We believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid. Well, maybe a little afraid of the thumb.
We believe in obedience to law, except for the ones concerning money laundering, because they hinder recruiting.
We believe in the human touch, even if we have to pay for it at seedy Pensacola strip clubs.
We believe in our Country, because it is a land of freedom, and where else on Earth could a man wearing a gold chain earn two million dollars a year losing football games. And because Alabama men and women believe in these things, We believe in Alabama (football) and love it, when we are winning.
More Iron Bowl Thoughts
Bama is putting way too much pressure on themselves over this game. Have you read the stories in the Huntsville and B'ham papers this week? All the talk is about Tubs holding up four fingers after the game last year and wearing the "Fear the Thumb" shirt at the bowl game in Orlando. There is a picture of him holding up four fingers in every last player's locker. The coaching staff put them there. They've admitted they've been thinking about this game and pointing to it all season. Hell, they've basically said this season didn't really matter, as long as they beat Auburn. What's gonna happen if we take the opening kickoff, march down the field, take six minutes off the clock and score a touchdown and then force them to go three and out on their first possession? Those guys can only sustain the emotion for so long. Leron McClain and Ken Darby sound like they have paranoid schizorphrenia or some other psychosis regarding Tommy Tuberville. If we jump out on them, even if it's not as bad as last year, they are going to totally deflate and give up. Remember 2002? Auburn jumped out to a 14-0 lead in the 1st quarter and then basically shut the offense down and just let Alabama's ineptitude and internal pressure do the rest. They couldn't climb out of their shell. Same thing last year (although a ferocious pass rush had a little something to do with it). The only team recently that's been able to overcome early adversity in this game is the 2004 undefeated team. Everything that could possibly go wrong for us in that first half happened. We fumbled inside our own ten yard line. Jason threw a pick inside the fifteen. They completely shut down Ronnie and Caddy. And you know what? It was 6-0 at the half. The second half was all Auburn. Their emotional play only lasted so long. As the article in today's B'ham News points out, the best team almost always wins this rivalry. In fact, only one time in the history of the game a team with three less wins than the other has won the Iron Bowl. I know we looked terrible against uga last week but Bama is not any better today than they were when they lost to Miss. State or LSU or Tennessee or Arkansas or Florida. They aren't any better than when they struggled in overtime against Ole Miss or were losing to Duke in the fourth quarter. They are not a very good football team. Talent and coaching will win this game. And luckily I fully believe we are in better shape than them in both of those categories.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
LJM Week #69
Team IMightNeedAnotherIrishCarBombDuringTheGame
QB: Woodson, KY
RB: McFadden, Ark
RB: Irons, AU
WR: Rice, USC
WR: Burton, KY
WR: Bowe, LSU
K: Vaugn, AU
D: Florida
AU 17, Bama 14
QB: Woodson, KY
RB: McFadden, Ark
RB: Irons, AU
WR: Rice, USC
WR: Burton, KY
WR: Bowe, LSU
K: Vaugn, AU
D: Florida
AU 17, Bama 14
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
The Ballad of Sheila
Courtesy of Finebaum...it's Free Fallin' Mike Shula. It's definitely no Col. Reb is crying...but it's not too bad. And we sure need something to make us forget about last Saturday and look forward to this one.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Weekend in Auburn
Well...the weekend is over and now we're all back at home or work. Another get together has gone by and more stories were created (random liquor bag helps cold, wet AU fans through miserable a$$ kicking), legends were born ("football!"), and sinks were puked in (sorry Rob and Malissa). I'm sure those of you who have a more complete recollection of the weekend's events will post your thoughts and stories soon, so I'll get right down to the important business and go over the scores for the closest JLM battle in JLM history. The final scores this week: 92-91-91.
Now the fun begins. We get to go over the several different scenarios that could have had anyone of us winning or losing. There were repicks that helped and some that didn't. There were negative numbers that hurt their GM and some that ruined their GM's career. It was the lowest kicker scoring week in memory...and that's what turned out to be the difference. The winning team got 4 points from its kicker. The two losing teams got 2 points each.
The highest scoring JLM game of the week was largely ignored as Kentucky scored 21 4th quarter points to outlast Vandy 38-26 and stake their claim to one of the SEC's 8 bowl slots. No one had the foresight or foreskin to win JLM with their first pick. Andre Woodson dipped himself in KY jelly and slipped, slid, and slithered his way around, over, and through the Vandy defense to the tune of 450 passing yards and 4 touchdowns. That 46 point outburst would have easily carried a team to victory. As it was, our three quarterbacks accounted for 31, 17, and -1 (guess who). In fact the only player picked from this game was Larry's late replacement of Jayson Swain with Earl Bennett. Good call as Bennett notched 29 points on 220 receiving yards, a 13 yard run, and a touchdown. Larry's good luck didn't end with replacing Swain (who grabbed a whopping 3 passes for 42 yards for UT). Bennett hauled in a meaningless 40 yard TD pass on the last play of the game to tack on 10 JLM points and push Larry's team score into the 90s. But was it enough? Let's see.
At QB, he made the tough decision to start Leak, knowing that Tebow would see some playing time and possibly steal a scoring opportunity away from the starter. Sure enough, Tebow scored the winning touchdown on a 12 yard run while Leak stood quietly on the sideline. Leak did manage a respectable 17 points for Larry though. Unfortunately for Larry he chose Auburn's backfield duo of Irons and Lester who combined for only 14 JLM points. The receiver position was solid for Team RandomBaggieO'Liquor. In addition to Bennett's 29, Early Doucet notched 16 JLM points and the enigma that is Sidney Rice brought 7 to the table. The 52 receiver points led all JLM squads this week. Larry smartly chose LSU's defense, as the only sure win of the week and was sitting pretty at 89 points. But alas, just as fortune giveth, she sure as heck can taketh away. Remember that desperation touchdown that Vandy scored on the last play of the game? Well, they didn't bother kicking the extra point (not to mention the fact that they went for two earlier in the game for no good reason) and thus Hahnfeldt only ended up with two extra points on the day, good for 2 JLM points. And Larry ends up with 91.
So now we know...the winner came down to Team Blizzard or Team BobbyHurley. It looked like a blowout early on as James's QB choice (did he just draft Russell at the beginning of the season and play him every week or is that my imagination) was magnificent, throwing for 200+ yards with 3 scored and no ints. He even got positive yards on the ground with 37 rushing yards. It all added up to 31 points. My quarterback on the other hand...well, let's just say he didn't have a good day. He finished up 8 for 12 on the day for 35 yards and a touchdown. Oh yeah, four of those completions were to Georgia players. So he had 1 point for yards, six for a touchdown, and negative 8 for ints. So, after the QBs I was only 32 points behind James. Lucky for me I had the ManChild D. McFadden on my side. His all purpose performance (rushed for 181 yards and two touchdowns, caught a few passes for positive yards, and even threw a touchdown pass) led to 36 JLM points and got me right back in it. Wynn chipped in 10 points to get me almost even with James, whose RBs didn't have quite the flair of the MC. Lester got 10 (even though he should have gotten much more) and Jones added 7. So, after the RBs, the race for the title was a bit closer...48 for James to 45 for me.
Now, let's be honest here. If you're in a close matchup with James heading into the wide receivers you have to be feeling pretty good about yourself. Historically this has been...well, let's just call it a weak spot for James. A chink in the armour if you will. Okay, let's face it, he pretty much stinks it up on the wide receivers every week. He has the uncanny ability to choose a guy whose teammate goes off for 120 yards and two touchdowns while his pick gets 2 catches for 13 yards. It's almost scary really. Well, this week was a bit different. While he didn't match Larry's 52, he scored into the 40s, led by Marcus Monk's 25. Bowe chipped in 13 and Courtney Taylor added 6 more (thanks mostly to his 51 rushing yards) for a total of 44 JLM points. I got double digits from all three players and finished with 37 points. Unfortunately that left me trailing by 10 points, with only kickers and teams left.
By now you should have figured out what's going to happen. Just as James has ridden the right arm of Jamarcus Russell all season, he has for some unknown reason, attempted to ride the right leg (wait, is James a dog now?) of Jamie Christensen. We all know what it means when you rely on Bama players. It means the big L and I don't mean Love. Or even Like. It means a loss. As in, you play with losers...and you lose. Christensen made both his PATs but that two points only pushed James total to 94. Which if you think about the fact that I finished with 92 points, would make you think that James was in decent shape to win. All he had to do was pick a winning team and the week was his. Easy right? Guess not. As most anyone would do when they need a sure victory James took advice from Wesley Snipes who famously said, "always bet on black". Well, in this case James took that to mean the black and gold of Vandy. Which, if Kentucky hadn't posted those three fourth quarter touchdowns, wouldn't have been so bad. Unfortunately, the Cats came back...Vandy was Vandy...and he ended up with 91 JLM points. Jarvis Moss's block of Ryan Succop's field goal on the last play of the Fla/SC game was worth 6 JLM points to me...and along with Colt David's four extra points that gave me 92 points and the win. Oh, what a weekend.
Here's the post mortem:
Matt James Larry
Cox -1 Russell 31 Leak 17
McFadden 36 Lester 10 Lester 10
Wynn 10 Jones 7 Irons 4
Hall 14 Bowe 13 Doucet 16
Baker 11 Monk 25 Rice 7
Meachem 12 Taylor 6 Bennett 29
David 4 Christensen 2 Hahnfeldt 2
Florida 6 Vandy -3 LSU 6
Total: 92 Total: 91 Total: 91
Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Wins - Matt 5 Larry 4 James 2
Now the fun begins. We get to go over the several different scenarios that could have had anyone of us winning or losing. There were repicks that helped and some that didn't. There were negative numbers that hurt their GM and some that ruined their GM's career. It was the lowest kicker scoring week in memory...and that's what turned out to be the difference. The winning team got 4 points from its kicker. The two losing teams got 2 points each.
The highest scoring JLM game of the week was largely ignored as Kentucky scored 21 4th quarter points to outlast Vandy 38-26 and stake their claim to one of the SEC's 8 bowl slots. No one had the foresight or foreskin to win JLM with their first pick. Andre Woodson dipped himself in KY jelly and slipped, slid, and slithered his way around, over, and through the Vandy defense to the tune of 450 passing yards and 4 touchdowns. That 46 point outburst would have easily carried a team to victory. As it was, our three quarterbacks accounted for 31, 17, and -1 (guess who). In fact the only player picked from this game was Larry's late replacement of Jayson Swain with Earl Bennett. Good call as Bennett notched 29 points on 220 receiving yards, a 13 yard run, and a touchdown. Larry's good luck didn't end with replacing Swain (who grabbed a whopping 3 passes for 42 yards for UT). Bennett hauled in a meaningless 40 yard TD pass on the last play of the game to tack on 10 JLM points and push Larry's team score into the 90s. But was it enough? Let's see.
At QB, he made the tough decision to start Leak, knowing that Tebow would see some playing time and possibly steal a scoring opportunity away from the starter. Sure enough, Tebow scored the winning touchdown on a 12 yard run while Leak stood quietly on the sideline. Leak did manage a respectable 17 points for Larry though. Unfortunately for Larry he chose Auburn's backfield duo of Irons and Lester who combined for only 14 JLM points. The receiver position was solid for Team RandomBaggieO'Liquor. In addition to Bennett's 29, Early Doucet notched 16 JLM points and the enigma that is Sidney Rice brought 7 to the table. The 52 receiver points led all JLM squads this week. Larry smartly chose LSU's defense, as the only sure win of the week and was sitting pretty at 89 points. But alas, just as fortune giveth, she sure as heck can taketh away. Remember that desperation touchdown that Vandy scored on the last play of the game? Well, they didn't bother kicking the extra point (not to mention the fact that they went for two earlier in the game for no good reason) and thus Hahnfeldt only ended up with two extra points on the day, good for 2 JLM points. And Larry ends up with 91.
So now we know...the winner came down to Team Blizzard or Team BobbyHurley. It looked like a blowout early on as James's QB choice (did he just draft Russell at the beginning of the season and play him every week or is that my imagination) was magnificent, throwing for 200+ yards with 3 scored and no ints. He even got positive yards on the ground with 37 rushing yards. It all added up to 31 points. My quarterback on the other hand...well, let's just say he didn't have a good day. He finished up 8 for 12 on the day for 35 yards and a touchdown. Oh yeah, four of those completions were to Georgia players. So he had 1 point for yards, six for a touchdown, and negative 8 for ints. So, after the QBs I was only 32 points behind James. Lucky for me I had the ManChild D. McFadden on my side. His all purpose performance (rushed for 181 yards and two touchdowns, caught a few passes for positive yards, and even threw a touchdown pass) led to 36 JLM points and got me right back in it. Wynn chipped in 10 points to get me almost even with James, whose RBs didn't have quite the flair of the MC. Lester got 10 (even though he should have gotten much more) and Jones added 7. So, after the RBs, the race for the title was a bit closer...48 for James to 45 for me.
Now, let's be honest here. If you're in a close matchup with James heading into the wide receivers you have to be feeling pretty good about yourself. Historically this has been...well, let's just call it a weak spot for James. A chink in the armour if you will. Okay, let's face it, he pretty much stinks it up on the wide receivers every week. He has the uncanny ability to choose a guy whose teammate goes off for 120 yards and two touchdowns while his pick gets 2 catches for 13 yards. It's almost scary really. Well, this week was a bit different. While he didn't match Larry's 52, he scored into the 40s, led by Marcus Monk's 25. Bowe chipped in 13 and Courtney Taylor added 6 more (thanks mostly to his 51 rushing yards) for a total of 44 JLM points. I got double digits from all three players and finished with 37 points. Unfortunately that left me trailing by 10 points, with only kickers and teams left.
By now you should have figured out what's going to happen. Just as James has ridden the right arm of Jamarcus Russell all season, he has for some unknown reason, attempted to ride the right leg (wait, is James a dog now?) of Jamie Christensen. We all know what it means when you rely on Bama players. It means the big L and I don't mean Love. Or even Like. It means a loss. As in, you play with losers...and you lose. Christensen made both his PATs but that two points only pushed James total to 94. Which if you think about the fact that I finished with 92 points, would make you think that James was in decent shape to win. All he had to do was pick a winning team and the week was his. Easy right? Guess not. As most anyone would do when they need a sure victory James took advice from Wesley Snipes who famously said, "always bet on black". Well, in this case James took that to mean the black and gold of Vandy. Which, if Kentucky hadn't posted those three fourth quarter touchdowns, wouldn't have been so bad. Unfortunately, the Cats came back...Vandy was Vandy...and he ended up with 91 JLM points. Jarvis Moss's block of Ryan Succop's field goal on the last play of the Fla/SC game was worth 6 JLM points to me...and along with Colt David's four extra points that gave me 92 points and the win. Oh, what a weekend.
Here's the post mortem:
Matt James Larry
Cox -1 Russell 31 Leak 17
McFadden 36 Lester 10 Lester 10
Wynn 10 Jones 7 Irons 4
Hall 14 Bowe 13 Doucet 16
Baker 11 Monk 25 Rice 7
Meachem 12 Taylor 6 Bennett 29
David 4 Christensen 2 Hahnfeldt 2
Florida 6 Vandy -3 LSU 6
Total: 92 Total: 91 Total: 91
Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Wins - Matt 5 Larry 4 James 2
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Holding the Rope
Before we get to the scores from one of the most competitive weeks of the 2006 JLM season let's visit a little story from Virginia. Seems the "commissioner" (this guy gives all commishes a bad name) fired two coaches the week before a playoff game in a 12-14 year old league because they had the audacity to play his son on offense instead of defense, in strict violation of the RULES HE HAD EMAILED TO THE COACHES BEFORE THE SEASON STARTED. So, not only did this bonehead fire two successful coaches who had the respect of the players and their parents, but he did so because they disregarded an order he gave them about how to play his son in games. Once you read the excerpts from the email you will simply drop your jaw in disbelief. Or maybe not...Larry you coach kids so you deal with crap like this. Well, I hope you don't have to deal with crap like this. Anyhoo...from one fantasy land to another...
JLM WEEK 10! The Night James Couldn't Hold the Rope
So, I'm sure you're all familiar with the catch phrase that Coach Fran used at the Crapstone when he was trying to get all the Bama upperclassmen who had every right to transfer without penalty so they could play in bowl games for a team that didn't cheat to stay in Tuscalooser for their final two seasons. He asked them to "hold the rope". Basically he said, you're screwed out of bowl games for two seasons but you can be the ones who hold this football program, and indeed, this university together as we go through this difficult time. Then after every single one of them pledged to stay at Alabama, he left after one more season for more $$$ at TAMU. (Granted he also left because his wife hated Tuscaloosa, he didn't like all the meddling from the boosters, he felt like he was misled as far as the NCAA investigation was concerned, and a myriad of other reasons including, but not limited to, the fact that UAT sucks ass.) Now, you're probably asking yourself at this point, "Self...what the crap is Matt trying to say by all this? That James let us all down? That James looks like Dennis Franchione? That Matt just wanted to write something derogatory about UAT without mentioning the fact that they got clobbered at home by the worst SEC team in recent memory?" Well, it certainly isn't that James let us all down. In fact, it wasn't even James who couldn't hold the rope. But it was his second RB choice this week, South Carolina's Cory Boyd, who screwed the pooch late Saturday night.
To recap: All three of us had one player going in the last game of the night which would decide the weekly winner. While I had Darren McFadden going for me, I was far out of the race for the win with only 58 points heading into the Collision in Columbia...or was I? Larry was sitting pretty with 86 points, but he only had Gamecock freshmen wideout Kenny McKinley playing. I'm pretty sure this was the first time McKinley has made a JLM roster. James was living large in the catbird's seat. He had 95 points (could have been much more had he chosen pretty much anyone else at WR besides Keith Brown of bama) and had the aforementioned Boyd going for him. As if I need to go into the gory details. McFadden undressed the Cocks' defense, running up 33 JLM points, pushing me to a solid 91 point effort. Good numbers, but not enough. Larry's pick came through as the Hogs blanketed Sidney Rice with double coverage all night and McKinley was able to snag over 80 yards worth of passes plus a touchdown...14 JLM points to give him a cool 100. So all James needed was a measly 6 points out of Boyd. One carry for one yard would be enough...as long as the run was good enough for a touchdown. How about 10 carries for thirty yards and two catches for 31? That would have worked. But no. Mr. Boyd managed only 2 JLM points as Carolina abandoned the run after falling behind at the half, and James was forced to stand on the sidelines and watch Larry revel in the late night heroics of his young wide receiver.
Thus end James' chances for an outright season Championship. The ledger now stands at 4 wins for Matt and Larry and 2 wins for James. Don't give up the hope though James. You can use these last two weeks to teach your squad about perserverence and dignity and character. You can try to convince them they aren't losers (even though we all know the truth...they are) and teach them the object of the game isn't to win, but to have fun and play hard (that's crap...it's winning and scoring with the cheerleaders that's important).
Now, I'm off to go vote in the rain. Cheers.
Final Scores - Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91 - Hi Man McFadden 33, Low Men Irons and Brown 0
JLM WEEK 10! The Night James Couldn't Hold the Rope
So, I'm sure you're all familiar with the catch phrase that Coach Fran used at the Crapstone when he was trying to get all the Bama upperclassmen who had every right to transfer without penalty so they could play in bowl games for a team that didn't cheat to stay in Tuscalooser for their final two seasons. He asked them to "hold the rope". Basically he said, you're screwed out of bowl games for two seasons but you can be the ones who hold this football program, and indeed, this university together as we go through this difficult time. Then after every single one of them pledged to stay at Alabama, he left after one more season for more $$$ at TAMU. (Granted he also left because his wife hated Tuscaloosa, he didn't like all the meddling from the boosters, he felt like he was misled as far as the NCAA investigation was concerned, and a myriad of other reasons including, but not limited to, the fact that UAT sucks ass.) Now, you're probably asking yourself at this point, "Self...what the crap is Matt trying to say by all this? That James let us all down? That James looks like Dennis Franchione? That Matt just wanted to write something derogatory about UAT without mentioning the fact that they got clobbered at home by the worst SEC team in recent memory?" Well, it certainly isn't that James let us all down. In fact, it wasn't even James who couldn't hold the rope. But it was his second RB choice this week, South Carolina's Cory Boyd, who screwed the pooch late Saturday night.
To recap: All three of us had one player going in the last game of the night which would decide the weekly winner. While I had Darren McFadden going for me, I was far out of the race for the win with only 58 points heading into the Collision in Columbia...or was I? Larry was sitting pretty with 86 points, but he only had Gamecock freshmen wideout Kenny McKinley playing. I'm pretty sure this was the first time McKinley has made a JLM roster. James was living large in the catbird's seat. He had 95 points (could have been much more had he chosen pretty much anyone else at WR besides Keith Brown of bama) and had the aforementioned Boyd going for him. As if I need to go into the gory details. McFadden undressed the Cocks' defense, running up 33 JLM points, pushing me to a solid 91 point effort. Good numbers, but not enough. Larry's pick came through as the Hogs blanketed Sidney Rice with double coverage all night and McKinley was able to snag over 80 yards worth of passes plus a touchdown...14 JLM points to give him a cool 100. So all James needed was a measly 6 points out of Boyd. One carry for one yard would be enough...as long as the run was good enough for a touchdown. How about 10 carries for thirty yards and two catches for 31? That would have worked. But no. Mr. Boyd managed only 2 JLM points as Carolina abandoned the run after falling behind at the half, and James was forced to stand on the sidelines and watch Larry revel in the late night heroics of his young wide receiver.
Thus end James' chances for an outright season Championship. The ledger now stands at 4 wins for Matt and Larry and 2 wins for James. Don't give up the hope though James. You can use these last two weeks to teach your squad about perserverence and dignity and character. You can try to convince them they aren't losers (even though we all know the truth...they are) and teach them the object of the game isn't to win, but to have fun and play hard (that's crap...it's winning and scoring with the cheerleaders that's important).
Now, I'm off to go vote in the rain. Cheers.
Final Scores - Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91 - Hi Man McFadden 33, Low Men Irons and Brown 0
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Can't Believe I'm Getting First Crack This Week
Team YAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWA Brent Schaeffer
QB: Brandon Cox
RB: Kenny Irons
RB: Darren McFadden
WR: Tony Burks
WR: Andre Caldwell
WR: DJ Hall
K: Andy Bailey
D: Ole Miss
I almost picked Brent Schaffer at QB just to make my team so awesome. But I'll settle for Cox's 227 yards and 2 TD effort.
QB: Brandon Cox
RB: Kenny Irons
RB: Darren McFadden
WR: Tony Burks
WR: Andre Caldwell
WR: DJ Hall
K: Andy Bailey
D: Ole Miss
I almost picked Brent Schaffer at QB just to make my team so awesome. But I'll settle for Cox's 227 yards and 2 TD effort.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
You Can Call me J.J.
Okay, not really, but my quest to follow in James' footsteps (and become James Junior) continues tomorrow with my first foray into the world of substitute teaching. I'll be taking over Tonia Armer's gifted classes at Lanier Middle School for the day. Wish me, and the poor students, good luck as we embark on this mission of knowledge, education, and spitballs hurled at the back of my head together.
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