Where have all the good BenJarvus' gone???

It all comes back to James Dinsmore and BenJarvus Green-Ellis. Didn't we all know it would end like this? Wasn't it written in the stars from the very beginning?

To recap (for Charlie) - James comes out of the blue by picking Indiana transfer BenJarvus Green-Ellis starting at RB for Ole Miss in the first week of JLM 2006. He turns in a 100+ yard performance and his JLM stock skyrockets. Subsequently, Larry picks him like 10 of the next 12 weeks. It becomes a running joke that BenJarvus is a permanent member of Team CrownRoyalorRandomBaggyo'Liquor...WhoCares. So the season plays out and of course we come to the last week with Larry and myself all tied up at the top (wait...that sounds kinda gay). Larry must have agonized over the decision...does he stick with his horse BenJarvus or does he poach top players that have already been picked by the other JLM GMs (please ignore the man behind the curtain and the fact that James had already picked BenJarvus thus rendering my entire argument impotent and without merit)?? Obviously, the Evil Doctor poaches LeMarcus Coker even though he's only had two good games all year and is returning from a monthlong convalescence from a badly sprained ankle instead of taking BenJarvus who is the league's second leading rusher and who also possesses a kick ass compound first name not to mention a somewhat less kickass hyphenated last name (again, for a second let's forget that Larry actually made a ballsier move by skipping over BJG-E and going with Cokehead...the point here is that Larry is the devil)!!!! Do we even need to go over the details of the scoring from last week?? Isn't it already obvious what happened?? Coker puts up monster numbers against ky jelly, netting 20 JLM points. BenJarvus tanks in the Broken Egg Bowl, mustering a measly 3 points. Larry wins the week by 12 over James. Thus, if Larry had picked BenJarvus and James had played with himself (and I'm pretty sure he did that day anyway) James would have won by 2 points and Larry and I would have finished in a tie for wins, sending the overall JLM Title to a tiebreaker of total points scored for the season. As of right now I'm too depressed to have even done the research to see who would have won that.

(PAUSE FOR THREE MINUTES WHILE I GET A CALCULATOR AND DO THE MATH)

Okay, now I'm really depressed. The overall season points stands like this: Larry 1231 Matt 1225 James substantially less than those two numbers (actually it's 1046). So if Larry had picked BenJarvus (I can't believe you turned your back on him like that) the total season scores would have looked like this: Matt 1225 Larry 1214 James still substantially less than the other two numbers, and I would have been crowned King of JLM for Life and given a gold scepter, a diamond tiara, and had my name thrown in the running for coach at Alabama. As it stands Dr. Evil (aka larry lowe) is the 2006 KING OF JLM.

Come on now and say it with me James: Larry, you are the best fantasy football coach in all the land...we stand in awe of your majesty and brilliance...we are but mere Shulas prostrating oursleves before your Tubervillian Splendor.

Anyway, here's how the numbers came out this week:
Team KingoftheWorld
Leak 27
Coker 20
McFadden 31
Burton 4
Meachem 17
Bowe 6
Shene 8
MSU -3 - Total 110
(also notice how I chose to ignore the fact that the two picks Larry made on his own both were high scores at their position)

Team PutAnother100KontheCamryin'07
Ainge 18
McFadden 31
GREEN-ELLIS!!!!! 3
Meachem 17
Bowe 6
Rice 10
Succop 7
Florida 6 - Total 98

Team SoreLoserorAmIJealousorDidILoseanArgument
Woodson 20
Coker 20
Boyd 16
Burton 4
Monk 8
Burks 2 (suddenly I turned into James)
David 7
UT 6 - Total 83
(also, please forget about how I focused soley on the actions of others and how they could have positively affected my life while ignoring my own poor decision making)

The overall 2006 standings look like this:
Larry 6 wins 5 seconds 2 thirds
Matt 5 wins 5 seconds 3 thirds
James 2 wins 3 seconds 8 thirds

Week 1: James 105 Larry 98 Matt 36
Week 2: Matt 151 James 98 Larry 69
Week 3: Matt 80 Larry 75 James 55
Week 4: Larry 85 Matt 75 James 73
Week 5: Larry 123 Matt 117 James 90
Week 6: Matt 79 Larry 74 James 70
Week 7: Larry 123 Matt 90 James 55
Week 8: James 90 Matt 89 Larry 44
Week 9: Matt 147 Larry 97 James 83
Week 10: Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91
Week 11: Matt 92 Larry 91 James 91
Week 12: Larry 142 Matt 95 James 41
Week 13: Larry 110 James 98 Matt 83

Total points: Larry 1231 Matt 1225 James 1046

Looking at the numbers, Larry turned it on down the stretch, winning three of the last four weeks while averaging 110.75. I could only muster 1 win with an average score of 90.25 over the same time frame. So you see, even in JLM the latter part of the season means more than the beginning. Larry averaged 113.83 in his six wins. I scored 109.8 in my five wins. And James managed 97.5 in his two wins. The season averages for all weeks are Larry 94.7 Matt 94.2 James 80.5. Highest score was me in Week 2 with 151...lowest score was me in Week 1 with 36. Larry's largest score differences were a high of 142 and a low of 44. James' were 105 and 41. Biggest one week ass kicking was Larry over James in Week 12 by 101. Slimmest margin between 1st and last was the Week 11 barn burner where I won 92-91-91. Larry's average margin of victory was 19.3 (that's huge). Mine was 22.8 (even huger). James' was 4 (I didn't even need the calculator for that one). James, feel free to have your statistics class run some more numbers on these if you'd like.

Once again, congrats to Larry on the 2006 JLM Championship. It was another fun and well played season. And the good news is this league isn't costing me $75 like my other league. See ya next year with LMJ '07!