Holding the Rope

Before we get to the scores from one of the most competitive weeks of the 2006 JLM season let's visit a little story from Virginia. Seems the "commissioner" (this guy gives all commishes a bad name) fired two coaches the week before a playoff game in a 12-14 year old league because they had the audacity to play his son on offense instead of defense, in strict violation of the RULES HE HAD EMAILED TO THE COACHES BEFORE THE SEASON STARTED. So, not only did this bonehead fire two successful coaches who had the respect of the players and their parents, but he did so because they disregarded an order he gave them about how to play his son in games. Once you read the excerpts from the email you will simply drop your jaw in disbelief. Or maybe not...Larry you coach kids so you deal with crap like this. Well, I hope you don't have to deal with crap like this. Anyhoo...from one fantasy land to another...

JLM WEEK 10! The Night James Couldn't Hold the Rope
So, I'm sure you're all familiar with the catch phrase that Coach Fran used at the Crapstone when he was trying to get all the Bama upperclassmen who had every right to transfer without penalty so they could play in bowl games for a team that didn't cheat to stay in Tuscalooser for their final two seasons. He asked them to "hold the rope". Basically he said, you're screwed out of bowl games for two seasons but you can be the ones who hold this football program, and indeed, this university together as we go through this difficult time. Then after every single one of them pledged to stay at Alabama, he left after one more season for more $$$ at TAMU. (Granted he also left because his wife hated Tuscaloosa, he didn't like all the meddling from the boosters, he felt like he was misled as far as the NCAA investigation was concerned, and a myriad of other reasons including, but not limited to, the fact that UAT sucks ass.) Now, you're probably asking yourself at this point, "Self...what the crap is Matt trying to say by all this? That James let us all down? That James looks like Dennis Franchione? That Matt just wanted to write something derogatory about UAT without mentioning the fact that they got clobbered at home by the worst SEC team in recent memory?" Well, it certainly isn't that James let us all down. In fact, it wasn't even James who couldn't hold the rope. But it was his second RB choice this week, South Carolina's Cory Boyd, who screwed the pooch late Saturday night.

To recap: All three of us had one player going in the last game of the night which would decide the weekly winner. While I had Darren McFadden going for me, I was far out of the race for the win with only 58 points heading into the Collision in Columbia...or was I? Larry was sitting pretty with 86 points, but he only had Gamecock freshmen wideout Kenny McKinley playing. I'm pretty sure this was the first time McKinley has made a JLM roster. James was living large in the catbird's seat. He had 95 points (could have been much more had he chosen pretty much anyone else at WR besides Keith Brown of bama) and had the aforementioned Boyd going for him. As if I need to go into the gory details. McFadden undressed the Cocks' defense, running up 33 JLM points, pushing me to a solid 91 point effort. Good numbers, but not enough. Larry's pick came through as the Hogs blanketed Sidney Rice with double coverage all night and McKinley was able to snag over 80 yards worth of passes plus a touchdown...14 JLM points to give him a cool 100. So all James needed was a measly 6 points out of Boyd. One carry for one yard would be enough...as long as the run was good enough for a touchdown. How about 10 carries for thirty yards and two catches for 31? That would have worked. But no. Mr. Boyd managed only 2 JLM points as Carolina abandoned the run after falling behind at the half, and James was forced to stand on the sidelines and watch Larry revel in the late night heroics of his young wide receiver.

Thus end James' chances for an outright season Championship. The ledger now stands at 4 wins for Matt and Larry and 2 wins for James. Don't give up the hope though James. You can use these last two weeks to teach your squad about perserverence and dignity and character. You can try to convince them they aren't losers (even though we all know the truth...they are) and teach them the object of the game isn't to win, but to have fun and play hard (that's crap...it's winning and scoring with the cheerleaders that's important).

Now, I'm off to go vote in the rain. Cheers.

Final Scores - Larry 100 James 97 Matt 91 - Hi Man McFadden 33, Low Men Irons and Brown 0